Round two of Ms. Zurawski's search for gainful employment has begun. This time I've decided to document the journey, hoping against precedent that this year's efforts will prove fruitful and I will soon be blogging my First Year of Teaching.
I graduated from Loyola University Chicago in May 2008 with my degree in Elementary Education and an Illinois Teaching Certificate in hand. Instead of looking for a job, I hopped on a plane and spent two months in Gulu, Uganda working for an education sponsorship program called the Dwan Madiki Partnership. There I met some amazing children and spent most of my time visiting and assessing local primary schools. I learned so much from this experience and will forever be grateful for it. However, there is little question that the summer spent away from resumes and job postings left me at a disadvantage when I finally returned to the search for a full time classroom. Try as I did to find something, I was unsuccessful and in October 2008 I started work as a substitute teacher for Chicago Public Schools.
While I could write a whole other blog about my experiences subbing, it is a post for another day. All I will say here is that despite appearances,
subbing is not teaching. Instead, it is babysitting and crowd control and a horribly unfunny improv show. It is unpredictable and challenging and requires too much stern-voiced discipline. Missing from subbing is all of the joyous parts of being a teacher: building relationships with students, planning challenging and fun lessons, and seeing students succeed and grow over time.
In January of this year, I was saved from the inconsistency of substitute teaching when I was asked to sub full time for a woman on maternity leave. For a three month card marking, I taught a "gifted" third and forth grade class in a school with 89% of its population labeled "low-income" and 63% of its students meeting or exceeding state standards. Perhaps I will write more on these three months at a later date, but for now it is important to note that my time at this school was extremely challenging. Like a nerve-wracking end to a game of Jenga, so much was stacked against me and the support was spotty at best. I often left that school feeling defeated and as though I was wrong to think I could teach. Though I was told I would finish out the year there, the teacher came back early. I was told one day before Spring Break that when the vacation was over, so too would be my job. The minimal but existant progress that I tumultously built for three months ended just like that and I reluctantly went back to day-to-day subbing.
This year on the periphery of real classroom teaching had me constantly questioning my abilities as a teacher. As I caught up with my Loyola classmates, I heard stories of great success. While they faced many difficult challenges, my friends were employed at wonderful schools and were making amazing strides as they began their teaching careers. And then there was me: a failure in their midsts, unable to hold a job for long and unsuccessful in the jobs I could get.
This has been my mindset for the past few months as the school year came to a close and the job search again became relevant. Feeling unconfident and frustrated, I made only the smallest motions in the job search. I avoided what I figured would undoubtedly be a fruitless CPS career fair rationalizing that no one gets a job from a fair anyway. I weekly checked the e-bulletin job postings, but saw little I qualified for and gave up there. It is not that I did not want a job, I just continued to make excuses for inaction because it is easier not to try than to make an effort and be rejected. Or to be accepted into another miserable experience that I didn't want anyway.
While these feelings still linger in my mind, I had a change of heart after a recent trip to Washington D.C. I was there to lobby my representatives in congress for a bill concerning Northern Uganda. It was a huge event and 82 constituents from Illinois attended. In my group I spoke up to Senator Durbin's staffer and Representative Danny K. Davis. It may sound silly, but it was here that I was reminded that I am in fact well spoken and intelligent and have a lot to offer a school. This new confidence released a whole new feeling about what it will be like having a classroom in the fall. I remembered the times before this year when teaching truly ignited a spark in me. I remembered those few lessons this year that definitely proved I am not a failure and can (and do!) teach meaningful and engaging lessons.
Now, I have a new and refreshing outlook on the search for a full time classroom. I am excited for where this next phase will take me.
